We’re right around the actual 3 month mark since we started hooking up and tonight we agreed, we do love each other. I did not think it was possible to feel this strongly so quickly.
But its been 3 months of absolutely wonderful days. Every day for the past 2 weeks, there have just been so many moments where I felt like I loved him. And for the past few days, I’ve awoken with the thought that I love him, as the day would go by his behavior, words, and affection confirmed that I love with him, and as I feel asleep, I’d think: “yeah…I love him.”
He said it best, everything seems so natural between us. Neither of us had to try hard to make any of this happen, it just works. Its not that life is easy, its that we appreciate what all of our choices and struggles have lead us to: eachother, and he’s enough for me to stay as positive as I have become. I am so grateful for where my life is at, I wouldn’t change a single thing.
I asked him if he’d go with me somewhere earlier and he said, “baby, I’d go with you anywhere,” and the way he said it…I don’t know, I felt like he really meant it. And it made me realize that I truly do hope this never stops. I hope we’re always able to make a bunch of silly remarks to eachother that result in the other one burst out laughing, I hope he always likes kissing me like 40x in a row in tiny quick kisses, I hope I’m always able to make him as happy as he is.
I’d like for this to continue growing. I hope that it could go something like this…around 1 year of dating the way we are, living separately. I hope he gets the place he wants to move into and gets to have his own place. I think both of us need that 1 year of absolute control over our own environments because we both have gone through a series of roommates and living with relatives. So I want him, as well as myself, get a year to have that freedom.
If things have continued on the path they’re currently on, after that year I’d like us to live together for the 2nd year. Mostly because we both agree the 2nd year tells you if you could really be with someone long term, and I’d like to know we can live together successfully. Also it’d make life incredibly affordable, and give us both a great chance to save money.
From there, I don’t mind where it goes or how long it takes to get there. I just know that I have never been this consistently happy before. I have never felt this weightless before and I have never trusted someone so easily. I feel like all the anxiety I used to have was dissolved and that he makes me as whole as I have ever felt. I know it sounds like a bunch of cliches but in all honesty, I didn’t see this coming at all.
I usually know where things are going and its extremely hard to surprise me. But this relationship is something I never imagined would happen, and it amazes me more every day.
Well thats enough sappiness lol…Paul reads these now. He doesnt even have a tumblr and he goes n reads this on his own time. This makes me smile too lol.
I wanted to write a quick update on here. Everything is still going really. I love my job, my apartment, my family & friends, and my feelings for Paul continue to grow stronger. Too many times do I find those very serious words almost slipping out, but thats because of how happy he makes me and how well he treats me.
I never write about the subject of my sex life because I often feel its a really private matter but I want to say that damn do I love my sex life with Paul. I feel like the level of enjoyment I get from our sex life keeps me in a generally pleasant mood. He is the most consistent and passionate lover I have ever been with.
His sex appeal adds to it. He has such a hot body, I often find myself staring at it when hes shirtless. I love those abs and V line marks. I love his energy and stamina too, and ok ok we’re about to hit a TMI level but his size…um…perfect and pierced, which I think is fuckin hot as hell.
I seriously have no complaints. I have never loved my sex life so much and I feel like it gets better with time. If my sex life was this, with only him, for the rest of my life I’d consider myself very blessed haha. He is all I want and need in this department, without a doubt.
I hope when you read this babe, you not only feel very well complimented (bc this is completely genuine) but you also prepare yourself for tonight…;)
"New rule, everyone has to leave by 10 because we’re fucking tonight" lmao. You’re the best.
I am exhausted right now. I pulled a stupid move and decided to stay up a bit late last night and today is the apple iphone preorder launch at work. My boss is paying for everyone to eat any meal during their shift (breakfast, lunch, dinner) to try and keep people less stressed since its going to be crazy busy in our office today.
I should have gotten a lot more sleep lol but I was just really happy, had to run a few errands that did not get finished til 11:30 then I had dinner with my sister, showered, and hung out for a little bit before finally crawling into bed at 2am.
Paul had to go in early today so he woke me up at 7ish, and now I’m just hanging til my shift at 10. I’m going to get coffee and free breakfast in a little bit and get myself situated before my shift starts.
But anyways, I’m going to add 5 more things/reasons now:
31. Yesterday you once again proved to be calm, understanding, and reasonable with how something made me feel. You never do anything wrong. I get slight anxiety regarding talking about anything that makes me uncomfortable because noone I ever dated really handled it well, as you know. I love that you are so reassuring. I know this was a point made in the 2nd list of 10 things but our conversation yesterday gave me a much better understanding of the type of boyfriend you are. I don’t think I have ever dated anyone like you and I mean that in the best way possible. You told me you were falling in love with me and valued my opinion, and the way you said this (your tone, eye contact, body language, smile, etc) made me happier than I have ever been when hearing those types of words. I am falling in love with you too, a little more each day. I mentioned that I fall slowly, in moments, until one day its no longer moments, its a mindset and it’s every day all day. Believe me, we are getting really close to it being that way. Things have never been this good for me before, and you are a major part of that. In fact you are involved in every aspect of my life that makes me as happy as I am.
32. I laughed so hard and continue to smile to myself about our hypothetical wedding statements/speeches conversation. You: “when lauren was a tiny tike, she was placed under a spell that would cause her to only date assholes. Until one day a cute guido came and changed all of that. And now here we are.” I know we are not seriously talking about weddings (especially at this point lol) but the fact that you came up with this and said to me shows your sense of humor, ability to be silly with me, and overall just kept me laughing. I like this.
33. We have an imaginary asshole. His name is Mark T. We use him to troll other people in jokes. Gets me every time.
34. You often tell me you think I’m a “good girl,” and those are hard to find. I don’t disagree with you, but I have had so many people try to tell me the opposite that its refreshing to hear that someone recognizes how good natured I am and how much I care about people. I think you’re a really good guy, I have no hesitations in knowing you are a good guy. There needs to be more like you.
35. You have been incredibly supportive with certain changes I am making to my life. I said I was done/wanted to drop a handful of people that only brought me down or were entangled in too much drama that did not need to affect me but somehow always found a way to do so. You actually listened to what was going on with that, you heard my reasoning and you accepted it, encouraged it, and explained how you have been through similar situations. You did not label me discussing it as girl drama, you did not rush me while we talked about it, you listened and gave constructive feedback and advice. I value your insight and I appreciate that you take the time out to give me it, and its always well thought out. Its not generic or common responses laced with fake empathy, I know you’re being genuine.
Thats all I’ll add for now. But damn, you are amazing, baby. I love that you’re mine.
So today I found out that my company does 3-5events per year on company property during work hours.
On Wednesday, they are doing a carnival outside (there is so much land and space here), from 2-4 and the whole building gets to leave n go enjoy the carnival while still being on the clock. Paul & me are going together to get free food and check out the activities and contests. This job is awesome. Like cmon, this is adult life? I get paid well to go to a carnival for 2hours following my 1 hour lunch break?! Adult life no longer sucks.
I’m so so so excited for upcoming dates and trips with Paul too. He slept over with his adorable pitbull Laney last night. I love that when I said I was going to bed (he was watching the game with Steve) she followed me n laid down with me. I especially love this bc whenever id hang at his place and hed go to bed early, shed follow me, stay up n hang with me. I’m pretty sure I have a mutual emotional attachment with Laney lol, Paul told her I was her new mommy, and of course I made the cheesy joke of calling her my stepdoghter. Don’t judge me.
I cannot wait to adopt my own little lovebug puppy, I told Paul we are going to take a picture of our dogs together and its going to be the Christmas photo I send out n post on fb lol. I like that he loves dogs as much as I do :P
I have no complaints right now. I have 15minutes left of my lunch break, then its 2hours of learning how to track our commissions, meet quota, etc with a Q&A from the head of that department, followed by 1 hour of listening to other reps’ calls and learning the system more.
Next week I’ll find out the schedule I’ll be on until January, I’m hoping its the same or close to Paul’s with at least one day off in common. Either way I get to work with him, on his days off he’ll stay at my place, and yeah we can make any schedule work because of how everything else is going :)
Yesterday I hung out with an old friend, Paolo, and got yummy ramen and rice dishes from a restaurant in Fort Lee. We caught up, it was fun, and hopefully we’ll be hanging more often. He is going to join me when I start visiting shelters to look at dogs.
Life is just so amazing these days, I feel like I am so energized and ready for new challenges. Its such a difference. Well time to head back to work, can’t wait to get home, smoke with my bf, and cuddle ;)
21. The way you know when to be romantic/sweet. Like literally your timing is always on point, you don’t overdo it to the point that it feels forced or fake. I believe you’re being 100% honest and heartfelt whenever you say something romantic, and it makes me want to fall asleep next to you as many nights as I can.
22. Your rants. I think I mentioned this already, but I’ve gotten to witness a few more since last writing. You always apologize for your tone or mannerisms but there is no reason to. I like your hanger, your traffic rage, your intolerance for bullshit, your political views, etc. I feel closer to you believe it or not, because even in your frustration and anger, I feel like I understand and agree with you.
23. How your eyes light up. They get so blue when you’re excited, and your eyes alone really show how happy you are. I like that I can feel your happiness just by making eye contact with you.
24. The way that no matter how we cuddle, I feel comfortable. Sometimes I feel like I fit perfectly in your arms, and they are always sooo warm. Its the same level of relaxation as a hot bubble bath & glass of wine to me. I know you know what I mean by that :)
25. I like that you recognize and acknowledge my efforts in everything I do and attempt to do. Not only does this make me feel good about myself but it says something about your character: you appreciate effort because you put just as much in, and I appreciate your efforts to better your life and always make me smile.
26. You, in a sense, strive for realistic perfection. I haven’t met anyone who is like me in this department until I met you. You set goals and you make sure you see everything through, but you don’t get so caught up in it that you neglect everything else to focus on one goal. You know how to have a heart and an ambition, the balance is tricky, but you’re the first person I feel confident can maintain it like I do.
27. I like that you like driving to work together, hanging out afterwards, receiving little notes from me, looking for eachother on smoke breaks, and so on. I value your sentimental ideals. It strengthened our connection alot to have the opportunity and luck to work together :)
28. Your brutal honesty. I don’t think you’ll ever just tell me what I want to hear or string me along or anything negative. I respect the fact that you don’t always agree with me on things, that you discuss your opinions maturely and remain respectful of mine as well.
29. You put yourself in my phone as “future hubby” I know its a bit of a joke, but I love that you did that. I love that you have no commitment issues. You are a rare type of guy.
30. There is nothing at all that I would change about you. And thats the first time I can say that and mean it in every regard. I like what you’re doing with your life, I like that you live down the street from me, I like that we work together, I like your dog and your love for dogs, I like your goofy voices and sounds you make, I like your sleepy voice, I like you every hour of the day and every day of the week. I consistently enjoy your existence in my life and feel as if I’ve known you a lot longer than I have—and thats only because of how much I pay attention to you and how much you pay attention to me. So thank you, because you’re amazing.
Guessing this is in reference to one of the “pick a number and put it in my ask” or whatevers—I’ll refer to the most recent one and sure why not.